WARNING -
There are a host of new viruses that are infecting computers around the
world.  To effectively identify and recognize the symptoms associated
with each virus, the following descriptions are provided:

The George Bush Virus -
Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.
 
The John Kerry Virus -
Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts
to appear on screen.

The Bill Clinton Virus -
Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus -
Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus -
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus -
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about
what it did.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus -
Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus -
Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus -
Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to
re-stabilize around 350 GB.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus -
Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus -
Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Michael Jackson Virus -
Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus -
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5inch floppy...then discards it
through Windows