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Variants Of The Word
For those who appreciate the intricacies of the English language,
the Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Some winning
entries:
1. Coffee (n.) - a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) - appalled over how much weight you have
gained
3. Abdicate (v.) - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) - to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) - impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) - describes a condition in which women
absentmindedly
answer the door in their nighties.
7. Lymph (v.) - to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) - an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) - the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.
10 Balderdash (n.) - a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) - a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) - the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.) - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.) - the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) - The belief that, when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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